"Inside every heart, is a tomb and a dungeon"

There is no denying, to those who know me well enough, that a morbid kind of fellow I am. And yet, I have found, while lying awake in the quietest hours last night, unable to sleep, as per usual, that the darkest thoughts do occur to me during this time. When the door is shut, when there is no one else but myself. After long laboring through such ugliness, I decided, or tried to, that I should no longer like to be awake during these hours of the night. I know many people enjoy the late hours of the night as they feel there is no one else in the world but them, alone to be themselves and do what they wish, no matter what it may be. But I find it interesting, that those moments of solitude at night, are often the dark ones. The world is a constant striving to find your inner person, and to do the best you can to exhibit this inner person to everyone else, but now I question if one really wishes to do that. 

And while I do not wish to say that I enjoy having morbid thoughts, we all do, it is always in those thoughts that you can do the most thinking. Inevitably, life is nothing but choices and decisions. Generally, I worry and think about future choices or past decisions at these times of the night, and with a night such as the last one, it inevitably gets to a point where I always choose I want no more of this. No more of this line of thinking that is. And as always, I must choose some form of resurrection to shake myself from this line of thought, get out of bed, open the door to rooms with windows that aren't covered, and find something mundane, something that has an order to it, to engage in, so that I may at some point, find the peace to go to sleep. Always during these same hours.

In his short story, "The Haunted Mind", Hawthorne equates this time of day as a time where "yesterday has already vanished among the shadows of the past" and "tomorrow has not yet emerged from the future", and you are awake during a space in time that is only the present. Obviously, this is somewhat metaphoric, but it has a lot of weight to me. I'm becoming the kind of man that acknowledges too much time alone is very unhealthy, perhaps even dangerous to some. And it is in the loneliest time of a day that these ideas begin to birth themselves, I believe. Yet, there is always a dawn that is quickly approaching, and with dawn comes society, where you try and put on your most transparent pasteboard mask and let the darker times fade. How little we realize the tether that binds you and I from danger. But I also think having these thoughts from time to time is healthy, the give weight to circumstances and allow you to appreciate the better things in life. You do your best thinking in dark moments because moments of happiness are euphoric and you are dumb. And that's a good thing. If that makes me morbid, I will take it. 

Second Blog

This is just to let everyone know that I've begun a second blog: tylerclarksmovieblog.blogspot.com. As stated, the blog will focus on all things movies, such as reviews, etc. I'm excited about this one as well. Today's been pretty nice (I can tell I'm getting older when I give a shit about whether the day is nice or not) and the weekend is coming up. And that's all I have to say about that.

I Think Blogging is Hard

So, after feeling pretty good about actually starting to blog and getting over that hump, I decided I'd do some research on how to successfully blog. Turns out, I've been doing everything wrong. Ehhhhh. Well, I suppose I'm going to reconstruct my ideas on how to approach this idea and we'll see if things get better. Apparently people don't like reading walls of text! Either way, doing poorly or not. I'm glad I've started this and I'll make things easier to digest next time...I promise. And since people like looking at pictures...

Apparently its also good to have a single topic for your designed blog, but I may be getting this confused with real blogging for money and whatever. Or about subjects. Not really my goal at the moment, but I guess we will see. I wanted a forum where I could talk about whatever to whomever. Going to do some more research. 

The End of the Great Radiohead and Things About Our Generation

Track Selection for Blog:

-> "Cymbal Rush" - Thom Yorke from "The Eraser". I've always enjoyed this track anyway, but at this time I think it really fits well with what's going on out there. My favorite part is at the end, as the music picks up and Thom Yorke's singing has turned more into a sad crooning. But its important to me for a couple of reasons: The song, I believe, has to do with a tidal wave or tsunami crushing some form of civilization, a town perhaps. Key phrases in the song that support this : "It's all boiling over" "try to save your house" "try to build a wall that is high enough" etc. Not to mention the song's title, as the sound a cymbal rush makes is that of a wave crashing. And since we know Yorke is interesting in Global Warming and the environment, double points. End of the world stuff. But this is good for this article, as the article deals with Yorke and company, and it reminds me, of course, of what's going on in Japan. Plus, I think my biggest fear is being caught under a tidal wave. You can't escape that fate. Maybe it goes back to my childhood, but who knows there. But I've had this song in my head lately, so there it is.

Actual Blog

I think our generation has a hard time defining itself. But can you really define yourself, or how you measure up to history while you're still living in it? Hindsight is 20/20 etc. And really, that is kind of a sad thing as we watch the WWII generation, said to be the greatest generation, begin to slowly dwindle in numbers. So its even more of a pressure problem for our parents' and our generation. And while I confess I cannot say I've lived a multi-generational life, it certainly seems the modern world today is searching for things to represent itself against the greater epochs. We do have the internet. Which I suppose is a pretty big deal. But how much else? What started me on thinking about this is how, and perhaps it has something to do with the marketing of said things, the world has tried so hard to find classic or iconic works in art or people, etc. I voted for Obama, but he was so over-glorified as some second coming of christ when he won the election. But as I am a big fan of movies and music, I've noticed how hard critics (look at how many critics we have now and how often they heap praise on one forgettable film after another), fans, etc, try to define something from our time period that is considered a classic or a watershed on the medium, and I really don't see much. What do we have for movies? Especially over the last ten years? There were movies I like, sure. But when I try and compare them to classics, "Apocalypse Now", "The Sweet Smell of Success", "The Exorcist", ""Raging Bull", I can't say much. But like I said, I understand we cannot define ourselves and how we measure up against other eras in history while living in it. But I want to focus this blog on music, where we do have a couple of legitimately great artists (not that the movies or whatever else does not, we seem to be doing well in the sports department at least - Kobe, Lebron, Tiger, Federer, etc) who are now starting to pass. Starting to relinquish their status, namely I want to focus on Radiohead. And I'm also going to focus on how our generation, unlike the others, has no boundaries to really push against anymore. The 60's and 70's had sexual, racial, etc boundaries to push against, which, when done well, made the art great. I feel our generation is the first to, at least on paper, stepped past these prejudices and given ourselves the freedom to do what we want, and its in that freedom that it seems we cannot really do anything classic, ie, we cannot create any music that is very close to be completely generally liked. How many music genres and subgenres do we have now? It seemed like every one in the world loved the Beatles in the 60s, where is that band for us nowadays? Anywho, on to Radiohead.

Radiohead and The King of Limbs

The King of Limbs is not a bad album. Not in any way. I've read it several times and do firmly believe that Radiohead seem incapable of creating a bad album. Hail to the Thief may have had its missteps, but musically, and almost always lyrically (Yorke's political rants can grow tiresome) its still an interesting an endearing record. And King of Limbs really has no missteps on it, its a solid record through and through. Yet, it just doesn't quite measure up to the rest of their catalogue. And I think I know why. 

Back to speaking about the presence of boundaries and how pushing them and such always seems to be a mark for something great. A great band always seems to hit their peak, or their success on their other albums, usually not the first ones. There are some great first albums. Led Zeppelin is the first that comes to mind. But even then, they had boundaries or expectations to be pushed and measured against. Keith Moon famously said of the Led that, and this is where the derived their name, they would fail as a group and would crash like a "lead zeppelin". And with Radiohead and Nirvana, the other band I feel that can honestly say they come close to Radiohead's iconic status, this is no different. With their first single, "Creep", Radiohead were initially written off as one-hit wonders. And the rest of their debut album can agree with this, as I'm a big fan, I've only listened to the rest of the record once. It's highly mediocre. So, for their second album, "The Bends", the expectations were not set high. The boundaries were set quite low. And look how they turned out. No other band in the last twenty years can say they have created landmark albums in multiple decades. And this boundary and set of expectations were set from there on out for Radiohead up until now. And with each new album, they always pushed and strived to meet these expectations, except for King of Limbs. This is their first record I can honestly say, that they have given up the drive to really push for another iconic record. And they have even said so themselves. Thom Yorke has said in an interview, after their last great album, "In Rainbows", that they no longer desire to really push the envelope anymore, as he said, doing that again (for the band has also been no stranger to tension and struggles in the studio) would kill them. So with this in mind, Radiohead seem to be stepping down from that platform they created for King of Limbs, merely to make just a good record. But a good record, when juxtaposed against a set of great ones, just doesn't look so good. 

This also makes me think about how, that pushing for greatness is always a short period of time with artists. And it always seems that after they have crushed all boundaries and defied all expectations, they inevitable do burn out. Look at Nirvana. Their greatest album is their second one, when the expectations were not set so high. They pushed it again with "In Utero". But after Cobain's death, so many have wondered how the band would have faired musically were he to have not killed himself. And the answer is they would have burnt out. And I've always wondered why this is. In movies, Francis Ford Coppola was the king of the '70s, creating 3 undisputed masterpieces within a short time frame. But what happened after that? He burned himself out. I always feel like an artist, in their younger years, really pushes their own intellectual limits and toys and experiments. And this is never an easy way. The term "tortured artist" is a cliche now. But at some point, each artist reaches their apex, and I feel they give up taking that struggle any longer simply to live a relaxing rest of their life. You can only push these boundaries for so long before it takes its toll, and maybe that's what happened to Cobain. He couldn't take the sensitivity to the world, the desire to really search for truth (and as always, most truth is painful) anymore. Maybe he couldn't take the pressure of recording another album that would inevitably have high expectations. And thats what I think has happened to Radiohead. They've decided they want to go no further. And so, for our generation, its a sad thing to see one of the greatest acts to finally say "we've had enough truth searching, we're just going to enjoy ourselves from here on out". And this seems to be true, as Ed O'Brien had said of the recording of King of Limbs that it was the easiest and funnest recording session they'd ever had. But I want to look at the album itself now.

Deconstructing The King of Limbs

Though Yorke has always said he's never made, or had the intention, concept albums, every Radiohead record has a distinct structural progression and every song on every album somehow lyrically and musically bleed into this arc. And its no different this time. KoL has many references to nature throughout. Look at half of the track names: "Bloom", "Morning Mr. Magpie", "Feral", "Lotus Flower". Surprisingly though, the album's most nature-oriented song is titled "Codex". But how many times throughout the album do you hear terms that are nature-oriented? Here are just a few: 

- while the ocean blooms

- jellyfish swim by

- the water's clear

- where the weeds take root

- slowly we unfurl as lotus flowers

- Into a clear lake

- Dragonflies

- the sweetest flowers and fruits hang from trees

- falling off a giant bird that's been carrying me

And the album's cover art is of a dark forest - the album title itself is derived from the supposedly oldest living tree in England or the world or something. And, me personally, I feel the album kind of arcs from a song called "Bloom", which of course brings to mind beginnings and birth, to and end with the last track titled "Separator", which I think can be about either the end of the world, or death, or the fall of man from the garden of Eden. Its also interesting to note that the album begins with Yorke's voice (which, I will add, his singing is still great on this record) in the forefront and clear and as the album progresses, it becomes more hollow and distant, often filled with echoes. Like a ghost. Back to "Seperator", Here are the song's lyrics:

"Separator"

It's like I'm falling out of bed
From a long, weary dream
The sweetest flowers and fruits hang from trees
Falling off the giant bird that's been carrying me
It's like I'm falling out of bed
From a long and weary dream
Just exactly as I remember
Every root
Every gesture

I'm a heart in cold ground
Like I'm falling out of bed
From a long and weary dream
Finally I'm free of all the weight I've been carrying

As my woman blows her cover
In the eye of the beholder
I'm a fish now out of water
Falling off a giant bird that's been carrying me

I fell open
I laid under
At the tip count
I was just a number
I want to tip it over
And lay back under

And if you think this is over
Then you're wrong
If you think this is over
Then you're wrong
If you think this is over
Then you're wrong

(Wake me up, wake me up)
If you think this is over
Then you're wrong
(Wake me up, wake me up)
Like I'm falling out of bed
From a long, weary dream
The sweetest flowers and fruits hang from trees

When I ask you again
When I ask you again
Wake me up

I think it could be any of those theories. And that's always what makes Yorke's songwriting exciting, he never gives you much to work with, and its fascinating. There's a fun thing about ambiguity in that, and I always used to hate this, you can really take so much and generalize what you want from it. People gripe about this still, but isn't that what you're doing with most songs anyway? Generalizing it to yourself from the author to connect on the same feeling? Anywho, so why is this album disappointing? Because its does not push soundscapes and textures as Radiohead is usually known for doing. And its short at 37 minutes long, which is disappointing in itself since they haven't recorded an album in nearly 4 years. So with this in mind, it seems as if Radiohead could have quickly pushed this album out in a month, not four years. And while all of the songs are solid, some are exceptional, they just aren't as emotional as they usually are. Suffice it to say, this album is the first one they've made that is not overly-depressing and sad. 

But to wrap this up, its obvious to say that I'm a bit sad that one of my favorite bands as well as the most important band of our generation, after 5 great albums, have finally decided to take a step back and enjoy themselves. But I can't blame them. The mind can only go so far before it begins to unravel. Naturally, I'd like to think that, after this lukewarm reception of this album, Radiohead will grow restless and take the challenge one more time, but if they do not, I'll tip my hat and say thanks for all the great music. Perhaps they've finally, as Yorke says on KoL, "given up the ghost". 

Commentary

I must say, I felt great after writing my first blog last night. I felt like I was finally coming out with what I wanted people to see. And I feel equally good about this one. I hope this continues. I do realize, however, that my blogs are very long and scatter-brained, and could use some focus. So I'm going to work on that a bit, despite saying fuck it in my last blog. 

I'm Just Gonna Let This One Fly...

Song List While Writing Blog:

-> 1. "Complication with Optimistic Outcome" - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross from "The Social Network"
 - This has always been my favorite track out of the entire score. At the midway point of the song, and keeping the track title in mind, I imagine that, mentally, this song represents for Zuckerberg's character a breakthrough in his thoughts, for the character in the film, and certainly the real one too, entertain a great deal of complex thoughts. For the first part of the song, you hear this undertone of strains mixed in with a higher toned (obviously I'm no music expert) keyboard part. And then at the halfway point or close to, the strains break free and go silent, and all you hear a change in the keyboard part for a moment, as if this great thought, through difficulty, has emerged in all its splendor. And I feel this is appropriate for my first blog, as it will most definitely be a strain for me. I can't really say what I write will be a great thought, but for me, writing out any thought for others to view is a success in itself.

An Exercise in Digression: The Introduction!

In all honesty, I've never understood blogging, or even keeping a journal. My first question, when I've fancied the notion, has always been: "Why do you need to write down what you think?". Followed by: "If these are your private thoughts, why do you wish to share them?".  And for a long time, and even still as I type, I failed and fail to see the benefits or the goals. And this train of thought perhaps was behaviorally conditioned in me from my parents' personalities, as my father is "a man of few words" and my mother generally favors the "turn the other cheek" mentality whenever she feels very opinionated in a negative way - who has ever been very opinionated when they are extremely happy? No one wants to spoil the euphoria of such a rare occasion by trying to analyze why they feel that way when they are in the moment, at least I never do aside from the general "Well this feels nice" disposition. Or perhaps I brought it upon myself. I do not know. But as an introduction into what I am hoping will be a blog I frequent, I am going to address both of these questions, not for the benefit of enlightenment on the particular subject, as I doubt I would hold such a keen insight to the questions posed, but to try and exhibit my personality and my line of thought - isn't this why we blog? For this is my problem and I hope this to be a form of therapy, as it always seems that popular blogging is much like a psychiatric couch for many people to diagnose and reply to the subject's thinking. At least thats what I feel a good blog is. All the blogs where someone has simply taken an amateur photograph and written one line under it to describe or sum up its meaning just give me the impression they're too lazy to really write anything. Anyway, I digress...

(Note to self - Try and rein in these meanderings and take the viewer's attention and time into account)

I've become fascinated by the bridge in which the mind and the body connect, and this is ever prevalent in writing also. Though, I should footnote that what the mind thinks and language also have a bridge, and once again, language, like the body, cannot fully comprehend and interpret what the mind is saying. And this certainly plays into "why blog" and, more generally, "why write out what you think?" But, to make it simpler, I have always wondered why desire to communicate, to talk, to emote, on such personal levels. I know, perhaps this is an extremely ridiculous question, but it nevertheless plagues me and it always has. I've always felt that by really opening up to someone, I'm losing the mystery of all that encompasses who I am. My identity, my history, etc. And much like breaking open a gadget - or analyzing an ambiguous film - once you figure out how it works, the mystery, the essence, is no longer there - tt dies with its discovery. What seemed magical and living, thus becomes merely a lifeless form. The trick loses its charm. And perhaps this could be true about what makes up the soul, in which case, I'm thankful in that I doubt the truth will ever be fully revealed to us, as man's reach often exceeds his grasp. And this fear of losing my own mystery, has, I feel, severely obstructed paths to very beneficial and healthy relationships between myself and whomever. But I am now beginning to realize the shortfalls in my mode of thought here. A) Due to language's inability to fully interpret what and how you feel (ever tried and failed to fully express yourself when you're in love or whatever? There it is.), you're not fully giving your emotional reaction away in the first place. And B) No one, no one, will ever know another person wholly and fully. I feel very strongly about that. Every one inhibits SOMETHING about themselves, even to their closest. And I'm now beginning to realize this and understand, and this is helping me branch out and really...exfoliate my thought process.

But the main reason I'm starting a blog now, or experimenting with it, is that I hope I can attempt to make myself more identifiable to you (I'm using "you" here b/c all writing should be targeted at a specific audience, so I have my people in mind, but this is also able to be generalized as well, as it is my hope some strangers will take the path less travelled and end up here, and enjoy it). I'm looking to really bridge the gap b/w what I think I am and what you think I am (this gap has caused some serious rifts in good things). I've come to terms, I hope, with my selfishness and I wish to communicate with everyone on a better level. I want to be closer with all of you. I want to feel like I'm being true to what I am with you. Because if I were to keep up my current path, I'll probably go crazy (this is the climax of the blog, of course). A good way to sum up the "resolution" of my thoughts on this matter is a story I read not to long ago by Nathaniel Hawthorne, entitled "Egotism: Or The Bosom Serpent". In the story, a man is said to harbor a snake in his stomach because he has tried to isolate himself from the rest of society (his wife had left him years earlier) and he is not cured of this illness, as the snake continues to grow until the point that his skin turns green, until his wife returns to him and they touch, causing the snake to leap from his mouth. In that touch, the man relinquishes his ego that he can live on his own and allows the help of another to aid him. And thus, the moral of the story is that you cannot live this life on your own or with such a level of pride that you feel you are better than everyone else. I had this problem (and still do, though I strive to fight it daily) and did not see it until I read this story, which came at an appropriate time, as my ego had nearly ruined a good thing prior to this reading.

What To Expect

So with this blog I'm hoping to post on a variety of things in a fairly timely manner in order to rid myself of such an ego. I do desire to communicate, and long is the way and hard that leads to light in this matter.  Very soon I'm going to embrace the things I do love and begin writing on them; some film reviews - which by the way, I'm hoping to start a film analysis group this summer in Danville - some music reviews, but mostly it will be my thoughts on a variety of subjects and how I perceive them to be. I hope you will enjoy this blog and find it interesting. 

On A Side Note: Commentary of My First Blog

I do realize this perhaps is a bit unfocused, but for my first one, I wanted to just let it come out. Naturally, it didn't come out the way I envisioned it (language vs. the mind, the idea of perfection), but it came out nonetheless and hopefully it will improve as time goes on. But I do like the structure of how I've written it and in all honesty, I like the meandering. Its more interesting. For film reviews and what not, I'll be more focused, but for my own thoughts...fuck it.