-> 1. "Complication with Optimistic Outcome" - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross from "The Social Network"
- This has always been my favorite track out of the entire score. At the midway point of the song, and keeping the track title in mind, I imagine that, mentally, this song represents for Zuckerberg's character a breakthrough in his thoughts, for the character in the film, and certainly the real one too, entertain a great deal of complex thoughts. For the first part of the song, you hear this undertone of strains mixed in with a higher toned (obviously I'm no music expert) keyboard part. And then at the halfway point or close to, the strains break free and go silent, and all you hear a change in the keyboard part for a moment, as if this great thought, through difficulty, has emerged in all its splendor. And I feel this is appropriate for my first blog, as it will most definitely be a strain for me. I can't really say what I write will be a great thought, but for me, writing out any thought for others to view is a success in itself.
An Exercise in Digression: The Introduction!
In all honesty, I've never understood blogging, or even keeping a journal. My first question, when I've fancied the notion, has always been: "Why do you need to write down what you think?". Followed by: "If these are your private thoughts, why do you wish to share them?". And for a long time, and even still as I type, I failed and fail to see the benefits or the goals. And this train of thought perhaps was behaviorally conditioned in me from my parents' personalities, as my father is "a man of few words" and my mother generally favors the "turn the other cheek" mentality whenever she feels very opinionated in a negative way - who has ever been very opinionated when they are extremely happy? No one wants to spoil the euphoria of such a rare occasion by trying to analyze why they feel that way when they are in the moment, at least I never do aside from the general "Well this feels nice" disposition. Or perhaps I brought it upon myself. I do not know. But as an introduction into what I am hoping will be a blog I frequent, I am going to address both of these questions, not for the benefit of enlightenment on the particular subject, as I doubt I would hold such a keen insight to the questions posed, but to try and exhibit my personality and my line of thought - isn't this why we blog? For this is my problem and I hope this to be a form of therapy, as it always seems that popular blogging is much like a psychiatric couch for many people to diagnose and reply to the subject's thinking. At least thats what I feel a good blog is. All the blogs where someone has simply taken an amateur photograph and written one line under it to describe or sum up its meaning just give me the impression they're too lazy to really write anything. Anyway, I digress...
(Note to self - Try and rein in these meanderings and take the viewer's attention and time into account)
I've become fascinated by the bridge in which the mind and the body connect, and this is ever prevalent in writing also. Though, I should footnote that what the mind thinks and language also have a bridge, and once again, language, like the body, cannot fully comprehend and interpret what the mind is saying. And this certainly plays into "why blog" and, more generally, "why write out what you think?" But, to make it simpler, I have always wondered why desire to communicate, to talk, to emote, on such personal levels. I know, perhaps this is an extremely ridiculous question, but it nevertheless plagues me and it always has. I've always felt that by really opening up to someone, I'm losing the mystery of all that encompasses who I am. My identity, my history, etc. And much like breaking open a gadget - or analyzing an ambiguous film - once you figure out how it works, the mystery, the essence, is no longer there - tt dies with its discovery. What seemed magical and living, thus becomes merely a lifeless form. The trick loses its charm. And perhaps this could be true about what makes up the soul, in which case, I'm thankful in that I doubt the truth will ever be fully revealed to us, as man's reach often exceeds his grasp. And this fear of losing my own mystery, has, I feel, severely obstructed paths to very beneficial and healthy relationships between myself and whomever. But I am now beginning to realize the shortfalls in my mode of thought here. A) Due to language's inability to fully interpret what and how you feel (ever tried and failed to fully express yourself when you're in love or whatever? There it is.), you're not fully giving your emotional reaction away in the first place. And B) No one, no one, will ever know another person wholly and fully. I feel very strongly about that. Every one inhibits SOMETHING about themselves, even to their closest. And I'm now beginning to realize this and understand, and this is helping me branch out and really...exfoliate my thought process.
But the main reason I'm starting a blog now, or experimenting with it, is that I hope I can attempt to make myself more identifiable to you (I'm using "you" here b/c all writing should be targeted at a specific audience, so I have my people in mind, but this is also able to be generalized as well, as it is my hope some strangers will take the path less travelled and end up here, and enjoy it). I'm looking to really bridge the gap b/w what I think I am and what you think I am (this gap has caused some serious rifts in good things). I've come to terms, I hope, with my selfishness and I wish to communicate with everyone on a better level. I want to be closer with all of you. I want to feel like I'm being true to what I am with you. Because if I were to keep up my current path, I'll probably go crazy (this is the climax of the blog, of course). A good way to sum up the "resolution" of my thoughts on this matter is a story I read not to long ago by Nathaniel Hawthorne, entitled "Egotism: Or The Bosom Serpent". In the story, a man is said to harbor a snake in his stomach because he has tried to isolate himself from the rest of society (his wife had left him years earlier) and he is not cured of this illness, as the snake continues to grow until the point that his skin turns green, until his wife returns to him and they touch, causing the snake to leap from his mouth. In that touch, the man relinquishes his ego that he can live on his own and allows the help of another to aid him. And thus, the moral of the story is that you cannot live this life on your own or with such a level of pride that you feel you are better than everyone else. I had this problem (and still do, though I strive to fight it daily) and did not see it until I read this story, which came at an appropriate time, as my ego had nearly ruined a good thing prior to this reading.
What To Expect
So with this blog I'm hoping to post on a variety of things in a fairly timely manner in order to rid myself of such an ego. I do desire to communicate, and long is the way and hard that leads to light in this matter. Very soon I'm going to embrace the things I do love and begin writing on them; some film reviews - which by the way, I'm hoping to start a film analysis group this summer in Danville - some music reviews, but mostly it will be my thoughts on a variety of subjects and how I perceive them to be. I hope you will enjoy this blog and find it interesting.
On A Side Note: Commentary of My First Blog
I do realize this perhaps is a bit unfocused, but for my first one, I wanted to just let it come out. Naturally, it didn't come out the way I envisioned it (language vs. the mind, the idea of perfection), but it came out nonetheless and hopefully it will improve as time goes on. But I do like the structure of how I've written it and in all honesty, I like the meandering. Its more interesting. For film reviews and what not, I'll be more focused, but for my own thoughts...fuck it.
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