"Inside every heart, is a tomb and a dungeon"

There is no denying, to those who know me well enough, that a morbid kind of fellow I am. And yet, I have found, while lying awake in the quietest hours last night, unable to sleep, as per usual, that the darkest thoughts do occur to me during this time. When the door is shut, when there is no one else but myself. After long laboring through such ugliness, I decided, or tried to, that I should no longer like to be awake during these hours of the night. I know many people enjoy the late hours of the night as they feel there is no one else in the world but them, alone to be themselves and do what they wish, no matter what it may be. But I find it interesting, that those moments of solitude at night, are often the dark ones. The world is a constant striving to find your inner person, and to do the best you can to exhibit this inner person to everyone else, but now I question if one really wishes to do that. 

And while I do not wish to say that I enjoy having morbid thoughts, we all do, it is always in those thoughts that you can do the most thinking. Inevitably, life is nothing but choices and decisions. Generally, I worry and think about future choices or past decisions at these times of the night, and with a night such as the last one, it inevitably gets to a point where I always choose I want no more of this. No more of this line of thinking that is. And as always, I must choose some form of resurrection to shake myself from this line of thought, get out of bed, open the door to rooms with windows that aren't covered, and find something mundane, something that has an order to it, to engage in, so that I may at some point, find the peace to go to sleep. Always during these same hours.

In his short story, "The Haunted Mind", Hawthorne equates this time of day as a time where "yesterday has already vanished among the shadows of the past" and "tomorrow has not yet emerged from the future", and you are awake during a space in time that is only the present. Obviously, this is somewhat metaphoric, but it has a lot of weight to me. I'm becoming the kind of man that acknowledges too much time alone is very unhealthy, perhaps even dangerous to some. And it is in the loneliest time of a day that these ideas begin to birth themselves, I believe. Yet, there is always a dawn that is quickly approaching, and with dawn comes society, where you try and put on your most transparent pasteboard mask and let the darker times fade. How little we realize the tether that binds you and I from danger. But I also think having these thoughts from time to time is healthy, the give weight to circumstances and allow you to appreciate the better things in life. You do your best thinking in dark moments because moments of happiness are euphoric and you are dumb. And that's a good thing. If that makes me morbid, I will take it.